Why are almost all people in scary movies stupid? I'm going to list some things I've noticed. Yes, I know a lot of them are cliche and have been said before, but that's what makes them even funnier when they happen. In fact, I was thinking of making a "Scary Movie Checklist" for all future movies I watch and seeing how many they use. Maybe even make it a "Scary Movie Bingo"!!!!! What do you think? HAHA! Add any I missed as a comment so I can add it to my checklist for future reference.
1. They Investigate a strange sound.....alone. It usually involves a basement or woods. Always at night. A "sweet" twist on this is when the battery in the flashlight goes dead (or the candle blows out).
2. They always seem to take a shower or bath, usually after a horrific event and usually in an empty house at night. I'm sorry, if I just saw something insanely freaky, it'd be daytime showers only for me...with a guard posted at the door!!!!
3. They refuse to believe whatever is happening right in front of their face. If a table is floating around or you're seeing your dead relative, perhaps you should listen to the psychic/child/person that told you the house was haunted. You SAW it and you doubt? Morons.
4. They ignore the barking dog, thinking it suddenly went unusually nuts for no reason. I know dogs bark at lame stuff, but all of you pet owners know that you can TELL when the bark is different. Go check....and bring a gun for Pete's sake!!!
5. They refuse to move or leave. If a creepy voice comes from the walls is saying, "GET OUT!"......then you GET OUT!!!!!! Simple.
6. The always present yet useless water splash on the face. I have never once splashed my face when upset or scared, perhaps I should try it before I say it's useless? Seriously, who does this in real life?
7. They tell themselves whatever strange thing they saw was "just their imagination". Unless you have recently done any hallucinogenic drug, it was REAL! See #5!
8. They trap themselves (usually upstairs on in a basement) instead of getting out. A variation is when they run away from the crowds of people to a dark isolated area. Run TO the groups of people, not to the dark alley. LOGIC!
9. If they suddenly can't see their attacker from their secure room, they leave the room to see where he went. This one just floors me. LET HIM LEAVE!
10. They talk instead of shooting. Don't explain or ask questions, idiot! You just spent an hour evading death by this person. End it!
11. They stop and stare when they should be running. When you're watching some huge monster climb out of something instead of running, you deserve to get killed.
12. They rarely make sure he's dead! Don't they know the Zombieland double tap rule? Also, never turn your back on a dead villain. EVER!
13. There is almost always some teenage girl in a teeny nightgown or her underwear in front of a window with no blinds or curtains. Do they not realize how clearly you can see in at night? How come they don't have blinds like a normal human? Killers love this.
14. Parents of kids in scary movies NEVER listen to their kids! Note to movie parents: Your kid keeps telling you about weird things happening and 99% of the time in these movies the kid was right.
15. The pet always dies. (For some reason, that is sadder to me than when the people die.) See? You should have investigated when it flipped out earlier.
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